a few nights ago i walked seven miles in the dark along cold, country roads to acorn. i was dressed appropriately, so only my face was cold. i was scared. i had to make noise to keep deer from running out at me several times, and i heard dogs barking… there is at least one pack of roaming dogs in this area that could have posed a serious threat. cars driving by was troublesome, their lights blinding and noise unwelcome. all the same, when i got to areas without cars i felt so very alone. i had a cell phone, so really i was still very connected to the world of social human contact… but i nonetheless felt alone, and vulnerable. small. i think it’s good that i feel small sometimes.
i tried to remind myself that i was not, in fact, alone. i was surrounded by trees, plants, and presumably sleeping mammals, avians, and thousands of tinier critters. i began to realize that the technology of our civilization serves largely as a crutch (for me, at least – and presumably for some others) to keep us from feeling isolated or alone… when if we could let go of those things and live connected to our landbase, we would never feel alone.
one of my tasks for the winter has been to condense my internet presence so that, when at red earth, i can reach those i care about without visiting a large number of sites and taking up lots of time. i want to have one e-mail address, not use a handful of social networking sites, etc etc… sometimes i feel like my participation in/registering at various sites just opens up a channel of energy between me and the world and allows for a slow leak to occur. like leaving your electronics plugged in at home. all these sites that i am aware of and vaguely connected to, connected enough to subconsciously feel responsible for some action or commitment, to lose time or energy to thinking about and maintaining these connections.
what is ideal? what’s ideal to me is connecting with others in a meaningful way. having an impact. staying in touch with friends and family. the internet is an ‘easy’ way to do that, time-wise. but the hidden cost is the manufacturing of computers and the toll that maintaining the internet takes on the land, natural resources, and humans that use it and support it. it draws our attention, wears down our eyes, cradles our brains in hours of fact-finding, social networking, hitching its arms up under our shoulders so that we walk on our own less hours of each day. this is what it does for me, anyway. it gives me a purpose. an outlet for restlessness. i don’t want the internet to be my outlet.
i started using the internet for chat and e-mail at age 11. i have not, in my adult life, lived without the internet for more than… one to three weeks. and even in that time, i still had an e-mail address (or several) and many online connections. so i was still involved with the internet when not accessing it.
a large part of me, over the past several months, has noticed the novel sensation of wanting to disconnect. today i considered removing the crutch that the internet is for me so that i can’t distract myself with it anymore, so that i Must engage the physical world in an active relationship – really an orchestra of relationships.
what would that look like? what am i willing to give up? what do i want to remain connected to, and in what way?
i am willing to give up – web comics. the stories of real people in a real, physical community are primary. i am willing to give up twitter. i barely ever use it, and then just for business. tribe.net – any friends i have on there know me on other sites and have my other information. gmail – google creeps me out, and even though gmail’s functionality is impressive and very helpful in some cases, i want to sever my ties to it cleanly and with intention. myspace – i don’t use it.
i want to remain connected to – flickr? – some way to share my photos with others, and videos (youtube?). e-mail – i want to maintain an e-mail address through riseup.net, because i trust them and want to support their work. and… possibly a few political/activist web sites, although i think some time spent weighing their worth and relevance and impact is warranted before really remaining tied to them. student loan sites – i can’t drop off of those voluntarily, since i still owe money. soon i will be claiming $0 income again, but i’m reaching the end of my forbearance time limit (4 years), so what will happen? etsy – potential income, so keep it for a while. one day i hope my livelihood will be inextricably rooted to my local physical community so that i am investing in them rather than in random places around the world.
i want my using the internet to be rare. i want to be prepared for it – leaving my address and phone number and e-mail very visibly on the sites i’m involved with, with a clear message to friends that they should save my information if they want to contact me. i ought to make a strong effort to copy down their information as well so i can remain in touch when desired. i want my using the internet to be a big deal, a now and then thing of import, not an inane washing away of hours.
and once digital cameras are useless? i will have adapted to drawing as a way of record keeping, hopefully mail will still be an option to some extent, and i will connect with whoever i can however i can. i ought to get physical prints of a slew of the most important/milestone photos for safekeeping. perhaps one day they will be a relic of a forgotten time, admired and wondered over by children who have never seen such a thing.
and my blog? i want some journal space on the internet, but space that i trust. is there an alternative/anarchist blog site? one that is not run by a corporation? i’ll find out. i will remain on warmshowers.org since it’ll be important to my transportation options. it is amazing to realize the many-tentacled beast that computers and internet have become, rooting into my life like the most vigorous prairie perennial.
Maybe I can persuade Rachael to study with me… or at least for her to study something magickal that interests her so we can be magickal together! XP
