Samhain is here again and unfortunately I don’t really have the motivation to celebrate it… that is the biggest lacking in my faith; unless I have someone who admittedly wants to celebrate a Sabbat or Esbat with me, I just don’t. I believe that lacking is the biggest reason I have doubts about whether I am Wiccan or not sometimes. But in all honesty, not celebrating the Sabbats or Esbats doesn’t mean I am less in my belief. I believe in the Goddess and the God, I know that there is magick, I may not do spells all the time or study as much as I would like, or follow a strict code, but isn’t spirituality supposed to be something that makes you feel good and complete?
I admit that yes, I would like to study my craft more, I want to celebrate the turning of the wheel, I want to master the runes, I want to master my energy and be able to focus the energy in and around me to create a positive reaction. I love magick, I am so drawn to it, I just sometimes feel like I am a let down because instead of working to become this knowledgeable and powerful witch (for the forces of good obviously ^_^); I mess around on the computer, watch TV, smoke a couple of cigarettes, drink sodas or alcohol, and eat unhealthy foods. When I really should be studying, meditating, casting circles and doing magick, breathing in incense and listening to the sounds of nature and becoming more in-tune with Mother Earth, drinking water, and eating healthy food. Breaking away from the gluttonous and slothful human tendencies is difficult, but I truly want to stop it.
For the umpteenth time, I have gotten out my “Taking Up The Runes” book and I am going to strive to read it front to back this time, with no yearly intervals. I also want to pick a path of Wicca to follow… I think being eclectic leaves too much room to just dilly-dally. I won’t promise this time that I will journal my study of the runes on here, but I will try… If nothing else I can say that I will give weekly updates of what is going on in my life (I have put the login page on my tabs so I will be more inclined to come blog).
Wish me luck in trying to find some sense of commitment and strength to see my study of the runes through the end this time… I know that runes are my tool of magick because despite my jumping around from one magickal study to another, I always seem to come back to the runes 
Maybe I can persuade Rachael to study with me… or at least for her to study something magickal that interests her so we can be magickal together! XP
hey hijo, it is good to hear from you! how is your rune study going? sometimes we bite off more than we can chew in efforts of self-sabotage – we say that if we don’t complete an entire program, don’t commit fully from the very first moment in some great undertaking, then we have failed. then we get down on ourselves. it doesn’t have to be this way.
life occurs in small steps, sequences of change and transition that seem small but build up to great accomplishment. i am sure you know so much more about the runes now than you did when we first bought those books… even if you haven’t studied the book cover to cover in one sitting. you are learning, growing, and changing just as i am.
maybe you would like a calendar book, a journal with four seasons of my spiral moon calendars inside. one witch i know colors the days on her calendar based on mood and feeling. i wonder what it might reveal if you were to color your moods, your motivation and energy and feelings on a lunar calendar. let me know what you think.
much love, and big, big hugs.